To Be Ja'Zmin

My time at Agnes Scott College

The Costs Associated with Leaving Home : Becoming a Functional Adult

In America, the act of leaving home is a common expectation. While the experience varies from person to person, an overarching goal is shared. When parents push their kids “out the nest”, the young adults are expected to use their parents’ teachings and other lessons learned throughout childhood to adapt to the real unfiltered world and find their place within it. Throughout my childhood, the phrase “functional adult” was frequently brought up when talking about the future, along with the countdown for my inevitable departure with my parents and siblings. Each transition in my life from toddler to young teen acted like a building block which in the end would bridge the gap between my sheltered beginning to the beginning of my adulthood. Once this bridge was made, my parents began to push me across this bridge and out the house. However, what does leaving home and being a functional adult really boil down to? Once you start on the path of being a functional adult you must develop your own understanding of what is right, what is wrong and what you can and cannot afford. 

Once you leave home and you are on your own, you must take responsibility for your actions and each choice you make has a cost, whether it’s a big decision or small one.  Simple things like grocery shopping become daunting tasks because of the freedom and surplus of choices and therefore a surplus of possible consequences. For example, when shopping for something as simple as Ramen, you are responsible for making multiple conscious or subconscious decisions. For instance, if you were to decide between a $0.26 pack of Maruchan Ramen Noodle Soup and a $5.19 Thai Kitchen Gluten Free Pad Thai Noodle Kit there is a more obvious financial decision that must be made. However, there are more layered decisions present than the financial one which have additional costs tied to them. For example, if you are very conscious about your health then you must consider the fact that while the Thai Noodle Kit is more expensive, it has more natural ingredients. As a functional adult you are responsible for deciding if purchasing the more expensive option is not only a financially sound decision but a healthy one and you must be aware of how these decisions impact your mental health. Personally, I did not start paying attention to these costs associated with things like grocery shopping until it was my money and mental health on the line. Once I started becoming more independent, I had to decide if running to Walmart before a rehearsal for an afterschool snack was a sound decision. I had to determine what I would want to get, and if I had enough money to cover the item and the sales tax. Also, I had to think about how many times I went to Walmart over the course of a month, be cautious about how much I was spending and see if going was worth my time. Once you leave home and become a functional adult, each little decision you make can have a financial,  physical and mental cost and you are responsible for managing them.

In professional relationships, there are costs associated as well. Deciding between directness and politeness is one example. One of my first major lessons when I was promoted to be a manager was deciding when to be direct and when to be polite and gentle. During my time with this company, there was one particular employee that I managed who was not respectful and chose to openly not do as I asked them to. As a manager, it was my responsibility to ensure that everything was running smoothly within the store, and if everyone did not do their part, then there were consequences. Personally, I did not care for this conflict and wanted to just overlook this situation and do the work myself. However, the process of becoming a functional adult makes it inevitable to have seemingly “difficult” conversations. In this situation, it was not my job to pacify or cover, but to be transparent and direct in order to be as effective and efficient as possible. The cost of this decision was my comfort and my time. It took me some time to decide that enough was enough and I needed to talk with my bosses about this issue. Starting the conversation to address this issue with my bosses was not something I took comfort in, but it was my job to be honest, and transparent with my bosses.

In conclusion, once we mentally and physically leave the nest, we must acknowledge that every action has an equal and opposite cost. Costs that we must decide if we can financially, physically, mentally and professionally afford.  Once we leave home and start the process of becoming a functional adult, we can no longer afford to “go through the motions” and disregard the cost of our actions. We must take responsibility and become strategic and intentional because in the end it is our choices that show how functional we really are.

https://unsplash.com/photos/ZFYg5jTvB4A

Photo by Robert Anasch on Unsplash

The Market Games: The Heterosexual Market in Media

In society, there comes a time where it is acceptable for boys and girls to start to pair up with one another as “complementary and cooperating factions” (Eckert and McConnel-Ginet 15). This pairing up has been termed as the Heterosexual Market. Participation in this market has been overly romanticized and is reinforced by societal norms. In the second edition of the book Language and Gender, the authors Penelope Eckert and Sally McConnel-Ginet propose to their audience the idea that being paired up has a societal value attached to it. The authors write that it “is the rapidity of ‘trades’ on the market that establishes a system of societal value” (Eckert and McConnel-Ginet 16). Participation brings attention to the paired couple, and in some cases, it can create a hierarchy. For example, this is where the titles Queen Bee and King come from in a high school setting. However, it is not just the student body or market bystanders who reinforce the deemed importance and relevance of the Heterosexual Market, but also institutions. Prom is a great example of this. Prom is typically “sponsored” by institutions of learning and promotes the hierarchy of the Heterosexual Market. Students are pushed to compete with one another directly or indirectly to be selected for their respective titles. Then, eventually, the student population selects and pairs their “King and Queen”, whether they ran together or not. Another institution that acts as a reinforcer is the media : more specifically, books like The Hunger Games. The Hunger Games is the first book in a trilogy written by Suzanne Collins. Through this book,  and the main character, Katniss, Collins comments on the sense of importance and strategic manipulation that society uses in regards to the Heterosexual Market, by uniquely positioning Katniss to start off as a resentful bystander to the Heterosexual Market.

At the beginning of the book, the readers come to soon realize that Katniss’ focus is solely on the survival of her family: her sister Prim and her mother. This intense push for survival causes Katniss to look at things from a mostly prey vs predator perspective. This causes her to look closely at people to determine if they are a “predator” that she needs to be cautious of or “prey” that she can use to sustain her or ignore. Katniss becomes the “father” and “mother” of the family due to an accident which kills her father. Consequently, her mother becomes unresponsive to the world due to the effects of her “complementary” faction being taken from her. The Heterosexual Market has scarred Katniss’ mother which forces Katniss to hunt in a nearby forest,  make sacrifices to protect her family from starvation, and she has to “mother” her little sister Prim. The extreme and straining nature of these roles causes Katniss to believe that her mother is weak. Katniss explains that “some gnarled place inside me hated her for her weakness, for her neglect, for the months she had put us through. Prim forgave her, but I had taken a step back from my mother…” (Collins 53). Katniss disregards anything that is not a step towards survival, and due to her trauma caused by the effects of the Heterosexual Market on her family, she has no motivation to be seen as “desirable” to potential partners. However, her resentful nature towards the market only becomes more apparent as the book continues.

Peeta, a secondary character in the book, is very aware of the Heterosexual Market and actively participates in it. Peeta desires Katniss and wants to do what it takes to promote her survival. However, before the Games, he tries to show Katniss his interest. Peeta states that Katniss “has no idea. The effect she can have” (Collins 91). Due to her lack of awareness of the market and her prey vs predator perspective on life, Katniss responds to this comment internally with confusion and defensiveness. Katniss asks herself “What effect do I have? That I’m weak and needy? Is he suggesting that I got good deals because people pitied me?” (Collins 91). Peeta was commenting on her desirability in the market. However, Katniss does not internalize his comment this way. She believes that this is an attack which she must defend herself from. However, this is not the only layer to her prey vs predator mentality. Katniss also possesses a fight or flight response to the Heterosexual Market. Later on, Peeta announces to the Capitol, on live TV, that he has a crush on Katniss. Peeta’s intentions are not only to make her look more desirable and “likeable” to the Capitol so that she may get sponsors and gifts for survival during the game, but he also has a very apparent infatuation with Katniss. However, at this point, Katniss does not understand that the Heterosexual Market can be as useful as a bow and arrow in the literal fight for survival that is to come. Once Katniss sees Peeta, she responds in the fight mode and promptly attacks him. Collins writes that “Peeta has only just stepped from his car when I slam my palms into his chest….The urn tips and shatters into hundreds of tiny pieces. Peeta lands in the shards, and blood immediately flows from his hands” (Collins 134). Katniss then yells that “‘He made me look weak!’” (Collins 135). Haymitch, Katniss and Peeta’s guide for survival, explains to Katniss that Peeta has essentially raised her value in “the market that establishes a system of societal value” (Eckert and McConnel-Ginet 16). It is at this point where Katniss not only recongnizes the Heterosexual Market as relevant but she also recongnizes it as something she can use as a weapon.

Now that Katniss has recognized the Heterosexual Market as a weapon, once the Games starts, Katniss uses it strategically which is reflected in her slightly altered focus and carefully though out actions. Katniss is not only fighting for her life, but she fights to make herself seem desirable to make her survival easier. Katniss strategically looks for ways to make herself look polite, witty and “likeable”. Katniss states “Now I smile. “How’s everything with you? I call down cheerfully. This takes them aback, but I know the crowd will love it” (Collins 181). Katniss is smiling and being polite to the Careers, a group of slightly privileged tributes who want to kill her, but Katniss wants the Capitol to be entertained. Later on, Katniss layers her performance with romance. Collins writes “ Impulsively, I lean forward and kiss him, stopping his words. This is probably overdue anyway since he’s right, we are supposed to be madly in love” (Collins 260). Katniss initiates her first kiss and is rewarded shortly after with food. Katniss then kisses Peeta about a dozen more times to keep the pretense that they are a couple in love and therefore they should survive together. However, in both the book and movie, due to her lack of experience, she does not come from this extensive performance with the Heterosexual Market unscathed. She ends up conflicted and asks herself how much was just a performance and how much of her actions were based on emotional attachment. However, Katniss is not the only one who is affected by her performance.

Peeta is also affected by Katniss’ use of the Herterosexual Market, but the impact is different because of his unique tie with the separation vs. relationship theory. Carol Gilligan, the author of In a Different Voice, writes that “since masculinity is defined through separation while femininity is defined through attachment, male gender identity is threatened by intimacy while female gender is threatened by separation” (Gilligan 8). Giligan explains that typically, once boys reach a certain age, they branch away from their mother and in certain circumstances, and they are pushed to do things outside the home while girls stay with their mother and start learning and performing inside chores. This separation that boys typically experience is a catalyst for the development of individuality which is why males tend to have a “more empathic individuation and a more defensive firming of experienced ego boundaries” (Gilligan 8). Giligan states that women “emerge from this period with a basis for ‘empathy’ built into their primary definition of self in a way that boys do not” (Gilligan 8). In summary, girls tend to choose relationships while boys choose separation.

 Much like the book, the movie portrays Peeta as an active participant of the Heterosexual Market. However, Peeta seems to have a different experience with the theory of separation vs. relationship. Peeta’s actions seem to mostly stem from the desire for a relationship with Katniss, which leads to wanting to promote her survival. Immediately, after being selected for the Games Peeta quickly accepts defeat and moves on to helping Katniss and not himself. Peeta states “‘It doesn’t matter, Katniss,” he says. I’ve never been a contender in these Games anyway”’ (Collins 149). Peeta’s very identity seems to be deeply intertwined with Katniss and the desire for a relationship with her. According to Gillian, this is not typically the way that boys and men regard relationships. Like Katniss, Peeta has an interesting relationship with his mother. In the movie, it is implied that Peeta may have a slightly violent relationship with his mother. In some of the movie flashbacks, Peeta’s mother is seen yelling at Peeta and even violently pushes him out of the store (0:22:37). In summary, in the film, Peeta’s mom is not portrayed in a warm and fuzzy light which suggests that their seemingly “loveless” relationship may be the cause of Peeta’s desire for a loving relationship and more specifically a relationship with Katniss. Peeta seems to lack the “definition of self” that boys typically possess and therefore is an oddity to society like Katniss. However, it is their societal differences which helps them survive.

Peeta’s relationship vs separation perspective and more specifically, his feelings for Katniss are much like the feelings that Romeo and Juliet have for one another. He would rather die than live in separation. Therefore, he is willing to make the biggest sacrifice for her. Katniss’ lack of experience with the Heterosexual Market has caused her perspective of  Peeta to change as her performance went on. In the end, she no longer looks at Peeta as competition, but she develops an attachment to him. Her attachment caused by the Heterosexual Market, paired with her stubborn perspective on debt causes Katniss to realize that she would not be able to live with herself if she chose her physical survival. Allowing Peeta to take his life would cause his life debt to weigh on her, and there would be little way to compensate for that debt. Therefore, Katniss chooses the survival of her mind and suggests that they both eat the deadly Nightlock berries. In the end, the impression of the Heterosexual Market and Peeta’s attachment to their relationship is what allows Katniss and Peeta to survive. Collins uses their survival to show that the ongoing performance of the Heterosexual Market and relationships can be a double-edged sword, and while it can be used for societal gain it can also have a scarring effect. 

Works Cited

Eckert, Penelope, and Sally McConnell-Ginet. Language and Gender. 2nd ed., Cambridge University 

Press, 2013.

Collins, S. (2009). The Hunger Games. London: Scholastic.

Gilligan, C. (2003). In a different voice psychological theory and women’s development. Cambridge, MA: 

Harvard Univ. Press.

Ross, G. (Director). (2012). The Hunger games [Motion picture]. United States of America: Lions Gate 

Entertainment, Inc.

Final Leadership Reflection

Leadership is not a cookie-cutter definition. It is flexible and comes in different shapes and sizes. At the beginning of the semester the words I would use to describe a good leader are as follows: Knowledgeable, Listener, Problem-solver, Flexible and Planner. My ideas of leadership were based on the most recognized and accepted form of a leader. Typically, leaders that are highly vocal and have a plan for the problems that are faced are easily named and seen as leaders. However, as this semester has progressed my ideas of what a leader is and what a good leader looks like has evolved. This shift in perspective and ideology was caused by the introduction to and analysis of Agnes Scott’s model of leadership, and the works Language and Gender by Penelope Eckert, Making Connections: The Relational Worlds of Adolescent Girls at Emma Willards School by Carol Gilligan, Nona P. Lyons and Trudy J. Haner, and In a Different Voice by Carol Gilligans. Agnes Scott’s model of leadership states that “Within ASC’s mission of educating students to think deeply, live honorably, and engage the social and intellectual challenges of our times, students exercise leadership through processes of REFLECTING on individual strengths, identity, and power; ANALYZING evidence, perspectives, and systems; and ACTING authentically, boldly, and ethically.” 

The reflection process is unique to each person. However, personally, my reflection of what a leader is, what a leader does and how this relates to me promoted a different type of self-awareness and environmental awareness in general that I was used to. After reading about how gender is “ not something we are born with, and not something we have, but something we do”(Eckert and McConnell-Ginet 1) and how because of the roles assigned to the respective genders, leadership is looked at with a variety of connotations when it is applied to difference individuals I started to pay more attention to the portrayal of gender and leadership. In the piece Making Connections: The Relational Worlds of Adolescent Girls at Emma Willards School by Carol Gilligan, Nona P. Lyons and Trudy J. Hanmer explain that typically when women are seen in the workforce “women are socialized to be passive and less aggressive than men” (Gilligan, Lyons and Hanmer 203) and that because of this socialization it is suggested that women need maculine traits to be successful and have positions of leadership. Reading about these concepts made me think about who I acknowledged as a leader and why. 

After learning about two modes of leadership, autonomous and interdependent I started to pay more attention to where I fit in the spectrum. To summarize, interdependent leadership is more dependent upon its community. Input, inclusion, and integration are highly valued in interdependent leadership along with the “we” vs “I” mindset. Autonomous leadership is not as community-oriented. In this style, efficiency and effectiveness are valued. It is all about creating a product, producing a solution. The nature of this leadership type creates a “keep the ball rolling” atmosphere that does not promote such community involvement. As I participated in group projects I took note of what I valued, what was frustrating and when I felt as if the project was successfully progressing. I noticed that in group projects, I valued collaboration and the brainstorming process that aligns with interdependent leadership. However, I also valued the “keep the ball rolling” mentality and like to push toward the end goal which aligns with autonomous leadership. 

Both of these examples of what I value when working in a group setting align with my Clifton Strengths test. Clifton Strengths is an organization that has created a test which points out the top five strengths of its users. The purpose of having these results is to allow people the opportunity to understand and take advantage of their strengths.The results of my test are respectively, Achiever, Intellection, Responsibility, Restorative, and Input.(Signature Theme Report) During my reflection, I realized that the results reflect what concerns me when I am presented with a project and when I lead a project. I can identify with both modes of leadership and still be a good and effective leader. This process has taught me and assured me that as I evolve as a person and my capability to lead will fluctuate with me. 

Work Cited:

Eckert, Penelope, and Sally McConnell-Ginet. Language and Gender. 2nd ed., Cambridge University 

Press, 2013.

Gallup, Inc. “CliftonStrengths.” Gallup.com, Gallup, 29 Sept. 2020, 

www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/home.aspx.

Gilligan, Carol, et al. Making Connections: The Relational Worlds of Adolescent Girls at Emma Willard  School. Harvard University Press, 1990.

Understanding My Strengths

Clifton Strengths is an organization that has created a test which points out the top five strengths of its users. The purpose of having these results is to allow people the opportunity to understand and take advantage of their strengths. The founder of this organization, Don Clifton, stated, “there is no more effective way to empower people than to see each person in terms of his or her strengths.”. The results of my test are respectively, Achiever, Intellection, Responsibility, Restorative, and Input.(Signature Theme Report) When reviewing my results, I learned that three out of five of my strengths fall under the domain of execution while the other two, strategic thinking. These results reflect what concerns me when I am presented with an assignment. As an Achiever, I tend to focus on making sure that the assignment is executed effectively and efficiently. When working in a group setting, I would like for my team to understand that I am self-motivated and have a desire to perform well in anything that I am involved with. I work best with concrete deadlines and a clear vision. 

Work Cited:

Gallup, Inc. “CliftonStrengths.” Gallup.com, Gallup, 29 Sept. 2020, 

www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/home.aspx.

Learning to be Like Water: Trinket

Below is an example of code that I created that was inspired by a quote by Bruce Lee. This fall I started my first Python class and it has been a great learning experience so far. I have learned a lot about applying a “water-like” mentality and how to efficiently and effectively tackle different problems. Whether that be with different programming languages or in life.

Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless, – like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup; You put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle; You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.” – BRUCE LEE

My First Post: Virtual College

Credit: ” Photo” by Anastasia Taioglou available for reuse by Unslash

In the midst of a global pandemic, we cannot stop. Yes, I believe in slowing down, but we cannot give up on our goals. We must find a way to accomplish them even if we are faced with obstacles. Not being able to go on campus, experience Agnes and meet with professors face-to-face- a is difficult but I know that there will be a time for those experiences in the near future. This semester I am enrolled in 6 classes and 2 clubs (so far). I am very excited about them and cannot wait to extract knowledge from each opportunity offered.

-J.A. McKeel

Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless, – like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup; You put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle; You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.

Bruce Lee

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